Strange Places Strange Faces

For my birthday, we went to this restaurant Dad and I built a couple years ago. We know the owner very well and the food is widely regarded as the best in Cleveland. It's always fun, because the kitchen is open, I know everyone who works there (because I frequent the place), our friend (the owner) is a real stitch and the beat goes on...

Anyway, tonight the restaurant was unusually noisy. There were a few large parties and I was sitting with my parents at a comfortable corner table. The restaurant is quite small, seating about 90 people in our section. It was packed tonight. Anyway, the fun started when I saw this "cute" older couple being shown to their table right next to ours. They were obviously on a date, which is both cool and curious to observe when it involves the "elderly". Their dates are definitely different than ours.... sometimes noble; other times humorous; still other times shocking. You just never know what you are going to see and hear.

Anyway, it was obvious by the way they perused the menu the couple had never been to the restaurant before. The man was definitely annoyed by the din. The woman was seemingly happy to be at this restaurant in his company. She, too, though complained about the noise.

The restaurant is famous for many dishes, not the least of which is a side dish called "pomme frites". Pomme frites are french fries that are freshly cut shoestring potatoes that have been properly seasoned. No grease here. A plate that is stacked so high it almost touches the ceiling. You have to have a table of at least six (honestly) to finish this baby. So, my Mom and Dad ordered it with their dinner, and the lady next to us remarked on how many there were and how good they looked.

My mom asked, "would you like to try some?"

The woman never hesitated. "Yes, if you don't mind."

"No," my mom said. "Go ahead, give me a plate. Here have some."

This thing was getting cuter by the minute. The woman dug in, and nodded her head in approval. Now, the man grabbed some, too. He obviously enjoyed them as well. It was almost as if the magical pomme frites made all the noise in the restaurant go away, as our two tables seemingly merged in to one. The next thing you know, the couple had pilfered our fries (we didn't care), and were devouring them.

Later, they joined my parents in singing Happy Birthday, then returned to the frites, which they ended up taking home!

My mom subsequently unsuccessfully had a conversation stalking (when you start trying to find out stuff from a complete stranger) with the man about his favorite restaurants. I had to assure him she was harmless. However, she did manage to find out the smartly dressed man was 93. His lady friend was much younger. The man didn't really want to say much else, probably because he realized my Mom had eavesdropped on his entire dinner conversation.

But, I have to say, this couple -- strangers to me -- made my Birthday more interesting. I did feel like I had extra people out with me for my special celebration. And, they sang a mean Happy Birthday!

So, how do complete strangers end up in each other's conversations -- especially when sitting next to each other at a restaurant? Are we all that nosy? Or is it that we are all trying to be social and friendly?

Posted by Ike at 11:37 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

I know, I know... I hate having shit clogging my e-mail box too. But, this one was so perfect I've decided to share it with you. Thanks to Lori D. for this one.


"True" Friendship

None of that Sissy Crap. Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Posted by Ike at 11:59 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Okay. The strangest thing keeps happening to me and I just don't get it. Maybe some of you can help shed some light on the subject. Over the past few weeks, women have smiled at me nearly half a dozen times (no exaggeration) from a distance. Our eyes usually meet, and then they just smile. I think five out of the six were married or had rings on their fingers (seeing as how that's about the first place I look after the smile). Some time ago, I wrote about eye contact being the first form of interpersonal communication. Isn't smiling more powerful? I just can't understand if I look friendly, if there is an attraction (that's too weird), what the deal is... but nevertheless I keep getting soft smiles from the opposite sex. I'm open to any ideas as to what is going on here. Believe me, I like the smiles. It makes me want to go up and introduce myself, but I think that's too much. So, these people remain anonymous, like me, and at a distance... Can you tell me why?

Posted by Ike at 12:15 AM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

I went to the wedding tonight, and by all accounts it was one of the most beautiful events I have ever attended. It was held at the Manor of a several-hundred acre farm here in one of our most exclusive suburbs. I would guess the Manor house is around 80-90 years old, maybe more. The wedding was held in the sunny, hot outdoors, with guests shading themselves by parasols provided by the wedding party. Simply elegant. The ceremony, an interfaith one, was simple, charming and sweet -- with both family and friends taking part.

The bride was breathtaking, and arrived by horse and carriage. The crowd stood as she was escorted by her father down the aisle. This leads me to the subject of today's blog. The gentleman next to me opined, "How come guests stand for the bride and not the groom?"

Immediately, I thought about the potential to address this in the blog. My answer would have been that this remains one of the most traditional elements of the wedding -- an element that the bride has earned and deserves as she moves from one part of her life to the next. It is, in part, chivalrous, akin to holding the door open for a woman, opening the door to your car for her, waiting to sit down as she is seated, etc. This token gesture by wedding guests falls in to the same category.

It is, after all, the bride's wedding. Traditionally, her family is paying for it. She is the center of attention. The day is more hers than his. As a culture, we can acknowledge this by standing for the "lady" as she walks the path to marry the "gentleman".

You see, the man next to me asked a very good question, but he never considered the easiness of the answer.

Posted by Ike at 11:44 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Now all visitors can comment on both Nigel Vossap blogs -- Strange Places Strange Faces and Deciphering Dudes Dot.Com Please feel free to chime in at anytime! Thanks for visiting.

Posted by Ike at 11:44 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

I am scheduled to go to a wedding tomorrow where I'll know almost nobody. The good news is that my parents will be there. The bad news is that my parents will be there. You see, as you know (if you have been following this blog), I have an easy time approaching and meeting people. I have an easy time making conversation. I have an easier time doing it over a little libation. I feel like I have a certain amount of "cool" about me. Call that cocky if you wish, but it's the truth.

So, now I find myself invited to my carpenter's daughter's wedding. It's supposed to be a small affair, so I am particularly humbled to have been invited. However, my humility runs short. My parents don't party as much as I do. My Dad never drinks. My Mom drinks to capacity without going over. They both are jaded. They both think I party like I did in college. So, I feel like I am being babysat at all of these events. Dammit!

Just when I have the balls to have a few drinks, meet a few people and have a damn good time, they have to be there to put a damper on this. Now, I'll have to sneak the drinks, talk the talk and walk the walk on the "down low". I'll have to look over my shoulder and make sure "Big Brother" isn't watching at all times. Now is one of those times where it sucks to be an only child because all of the focus is on me, when I could really use a sibling to take away some of the pressure.

Anyway, I do want to meet people. I do want to have a good time. The wedding is going to be first class, and I just have to remember these monsters (I love) are going to be swarming around me like bees to honey. But, in the end, if I keep my balls down and my chin up, maybe I can meet some people, make some friends, and get wild on the dance floor.

Posted by Ike at 9:21 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

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Posted by Ike at 5:17 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Posted by Ike at 12:33 AM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Short Message Services (SMS) are something I love for my cellphone because they keep me in touch with the world in live time with things like breaking news updates, amber alerts and sports scores, etc. They can also be used by other websites and companies to send messages throughout the day, week or month, etc., to you -- messages you can chew on. Today, I received such a message from Ask Moses, a "Jewish" site that offers all types of information on Judaism, but also is very informational to other denominations, as well.

"All problems stem from the lack of spiritual light -- our job is to
increase the light and let it shine forth everywhere."

I absolutely love this quote that was sent to me as an SMS. It doesn't take much to understand, and it -- to me -- is so true. To me, it is somewhat akin to question girl's recent post, Wednesday with Q.G.. The fact of the matter is that we all need to start leading less selfish lives. We need to find ways to make differences in our communities -- to spread the light. We need to find ways to help others while we help ourselves at the same time. Can we put other people -- needy people -- ahead of ourselves? Can we find a way to exact change? Is it too late to help other people? Has society become so polarized that we can't see beyond ourselves? These are the serious questions we need to ask ourselves -- and now. There is no time to wait.

I spend 15-20 hours a month volunteering at the Cleveland Sight Center. There, I read selected articles from the New York Times and Wall Street Journal live on radio broadcasts for the visually impaired. I also belong to other organizations that eat up my time, but that make me feel good because I know I am making a difference. I am asking you to try to find five to ten hours a month to make that same difference. That's just 120 hours a year -- that's five days, or just one work week a year. That's the least any one of us can do to make a change.

Posted by Ike at 11:40 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

I would also like to remind you that
Deciphering Dudes Dot.Com has been getting a lot of play lately -- both inside and outside the Blogger community. Please feel free to stop by and get an understanding of what we're doing. You can also submit new questions we can answer.

Posted by Ike at 5:46 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

My dad is a completely anal-retentive clean freak. The slightest spot in my parents' tidy home sends him into a panic. Last week, he paid a ton of money to have a specialty company come in and clean the grout on all of the tile in the house. It took them half a day. He vacuums incessantly. He is the Wizard of Windex. He polishes and scrubs every single part of that house, and warns me -- within an inch of my life -- that I better not mess it up. Hell, he even gets pissed at the dogs for shedding a hair. In short, he is an overboard anal-retentive clean freak I happen to love.

Then there's me. I am not anal-retentive about anything. My place would best be described by my father as a "pig's sty". Ever hear that one before? There was once a poem written about me. One of the lines was: "Nigel's so lazy/about picking up his clothes/wherever they lay/are wherever he throws." That line was written 20 years ago, and is still true today. Hell, I swear I launder and dress in clean clothes. I just don't mind a trail of clothes from other rooms in my apartment to the bedroom. I refuse to vacuum everyday. If Ike sheds, he sheds. That's life with a dog. My bathroom is organized, but messy. I just don't have the time to scrub everything down everyday. My kitchen has some spare pots and pans around, and a few things hanging around in the sink (dishes, utensils, et al.). But, it's my place and I am happy. I like clutter. It's the way I live.

I don't tell Dad to keep his place the way he does, and I don't want him to tell me to "clean up my act," a conversation that arises once in a while.

Which leads me to the title of the blog. I am crazy about one thing. I need every new cleaning product available, if even just to admire it in my "cleaning closet." I want the latest Windex, the newest floor cleaner, the greatest vacuum, the best toilet cleaner, all of those electric devices for making cleaning quicker and so on and so on. They just look good in my apartment. I like seeing that I am up-to-date on the "trendiest" cleaning products. Hell, even if I don't use them doesn't mean I don't have to have them. So, Target usually does me just right. I confess I have spent more than $100 on cleaning supplies that never get used. Or, maybe I get up the courage to try them once. Either way, I win. I can always say, "I have this" or "I have that." Just because I have it, doesn't mean I have used it.

So, what the hell do I do with things anyway?

Posted by Ike at 5:12 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

It's happening! Our e-mail box is slowly, but surely, starting to fill up with your questions on our sister site, DECIPHERING DUDES DOT.COM.

The page link is www.understandingdudes.blogspot.com. Share the link with your girlfriends, and we'll share the fun with you. The more the merrier for us. Spread the word, amigas.

Your buddies,
Nigel and Ike.

Posted by Ike at 7:13 AM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

In 1999, I found myself assigned to one of the best stories ever. My boss told me I was going to interview Bette Midler. Now, aside from the tears I shed watching "Beaches", I wasn't a huge fan. In fact, that song "The Rose" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Nonetheless, the opportunity to interview this amazing celebrity was just too good to pass up. So, I was told that she would be at a club called "Salvation", and that I should be there around 8 o'clock or so. I had never been to Salvation, so I didn't know what to expect.

So, my boss forgot to tell me one thing about Salvation. It was one of Miami's hottest gay spots. That's cool with me. I have a ton of gay friends -- and some relatives, too. I just didn't know what I was getting into. You see, Midler was performing at an event called the "White Party". If memory serves me correctly, it was called "Winter Party" at that point in time. Anyway, the place was jampacked with gays and lesbians who were partying their asses off. Some of them were my friends, actually....(and I think they were wondering what the hell I was doing there all dressed up when they were starting to shed clothes).

A "bouncer" led us to this area where there was a dais with a bunch of cameras. We thought he was leading us to the Divine Miss M. No such luck. We saw Bette Midler that night, but not up close and personal. We saw the shy entertainer jump out on stage, make a proclamation about her "stage fright", talk about the importance of HIV/AIDS research and jam her ass off.

I bring this up for a number of reasons. It was about the first time I did not get the interview. It was one of the most electrifying nights of my life, and it was one of the first times I really gave serious thought to the HIV/AIDS crisis in this country. These "parties" are an excellent way for my gay and lesbian friends to celebrate diversity and deliver a message to the world: that none of us will ever stop fighting for a cure for this illness.

You may have no knowledge of these parties, so I wanted you to check out Jeffrey Sanker's website, www.jeffreysanker.com. Jeff is the leading promoter of the White Parties today. Check him out!

Posted by Ike at 10:46 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

76. My cousin was once married to the man whose family owned Valle de las Lenas in Argentina. I visited there in 1987.
77. I have been to Israel twice.
78. My father and I have had season-tickets to the Cleveland Indians games since around 1985. Our tickets are right behind home plate.
79. I once had a girlfriend, who lived with me, attach tethers to our bed. They became a permanent fixture.
80. The first television show I can remember getting hooked on was "Emergency!"
81. I prefer Nike walking/running shoes to all other brands.
82. I once politely asked LeBron James for an autograph while I was backstage at another event, but I was snubbed.
83. I was the first person to find the man who missed taking Valujet Flight 592 that crashed into the Everglades on May 11, 1996.
84. Al Leiter pitched a no-hitter for the Florida Marlins that same night, a game that my reporter and I were supposed to have attended (as fans).
85. I have a full array of "product" in my bathroom -- including masks, hair-styling products, skin lotions, etc.
86. I paid a summer camp counselor to see Madonna's nude spread in Playboy on July 10, 1985.
87. My friend and I caught our History teacher at a titty bar once and tried to buy him a drink.
88. One of the first times I was on a horse, my father was in front of me. Something spooked his horse, and mine started to go after it (on a pancake breakfast trail ride in Arizona)
89. I had a backstage pass to the MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto in 1999. It flat out rocked.
90. Most of the journalism books I received in college were useless in the real world.
91. I used to go to Bethany Beach, Delaware in the summer with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins.
92. My eye color changes from season to season.
93. I am an organ donor.
94. I rarely turn my engine off while fueling up at the gas station.
95. I hate brisket.
96. I have attended two of the most amazing college football games ever: Ohio State at Michigan, where my Buckeyes won 25-21 on Saturday, November 19, 2005 at Ann Arbor; and my Hurricanes upending the top-ranked Florida State Seminoles at Miami in 2000.
97. When it comes to boxers or briefs, I choose .............. boxers.
98. I believe in good and bad karma.
99. Contrary to every belief I have in my body, I still get advice from those stupid "love horoscopes" online. I usually discard the advice, because I can't run my life based on my sign.
100. The last 99 items I wrote are completely accurate.

Posted by Ike at 11:38 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Tonight, I answered your first questions to Deciphering Dudes Dot Com. For some reason, Blogger never informed me the questions were there. Read the answers, and leave more questions there. I am happy to assist you. Visit www.understandingdudes.blogspot.com.

Posted by Ike at 11:51 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

51. I love green jello because it acts as an aphrodisiac for me (just like green M&Ms do for others)
52. My first trip to a cemetery occurred when I was around five years old. My grandmother took me to see her sister.
53. My first french kiss was at my summer camp. I can't remember who I kissed.
54. I love wearing Tommy Bahama shirts.
55. My oldest TV set is a 15-year-old Sony Trinitron RM-781.
56. I have high-speed internet access.
57. I love porn.
58. One of my exes used to say "Good trip, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" before embarking on a journey -- be it by car, plane, et al. It drove me nuts.
59. If I had gotten married, our first song was going to be Al Green's "Let's Stay Together".
60. I have a Sony VAIO computer, ca. 2001.
61. I am a MAJOR pack-rat, who -- amongst other things -- has a baseball card collection of nearly 15,000 cards.
62. I think Willie Mays is the greatest living former baseball player.
63. My Dad has a signed 1954 American League All-Star players baseball. It is in my safe keeping.
64. I was suspended from high school -- and accused of plagiarizing -- when I helped my friend write a paper.
65. I sit in my late Grandfather's office chair, an inherited chair I refuse to give up.
66. I once split my head open on stairs, during a third grade Halloween party. I took six stitches.
67. I wear contact lenses.
68. I still sleep with my "blankey".
69. My cousin manages a famous member of the WWE.
70. Michael S. helped me get my first TV job, and he is also one of the reasons I left the biz.
71. I had a housekeeper growing up who is like a fifth grandparent to me.
72. I have done an exhaustive study of my genealogy.
73. I volunteer for a number of different charities, including the Cleveland Sight Center where I read live newspaper articles from the New York Times and Wall Street Journal once or twice a week.
74. My Nana's name (for me) was "Uh-Uh" because I used to get into stuff and she would say "Uh-Uh".
75. I have a framed, autographed Miller Lite picture of Billy Martin sitting over my sink.

Posted by Ike at 5:20 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Nearly 1000 people showed up for my cousin David's funeral today. You might call it "Funeral Day" because it is a celebration -- like a "Birthday" -- that's just no fun. My cousin Jeremy, David's son, delivered a twenty minute rousing eulogy that had all of us in tears from the get-go. Quite simply, it was a boy heaping praise on his father. It included the annals of David's life. His words echoed in the words of Jeremy. Jeremy told one of his jokes to perfection.

He explained -- person-by-person -- what David meant to members of his family and his closest friends. There were plenty of tears, and chuckles mixed in to lighten the heaviness of the day. Indeed, this is one of the most difficult days any one of us have ever had to endure. The procession from the funeral home to the cemetery stretched nearly a mile, because he had so many friends that wanted to bear witness to the unbelievable: that David was dead.

Still now, nearly 12 hours after that funeral began, I am still in shock. It's rare that anyone has friends from elementary school, high school, college, law school and other walks of life that stay in touch. Throughout the years, David was the glue that kept everyone together. Truly. There were enough tears to flood a river today -- even into the evening hours. It's hard to console so many people in one place at one time.

Hundreds of people passed through my cousin's home today and tonight. They recalled David. They praised him. They shared stories with his widow, children, two sisters, et al. I was impressed with the range of people David touched -- people from every socioeconomic class. There were stories told repeatedly today about how he did free legal work for many people. Jeremy joked that his law partners would "not be happy if they knew all this free work he did." But, that's the kind of guy my cousin was. He understood the human condition and never failed to employ it in his daily personal and professional lives.


David missed out on many days, to be sure, but the sad fact is his time was up. There are no regrets. He got to say his goodbyes. As I have written here before, he never felt sorry for himself. The end was horrendous, but he fought it out. We all wish we could get more days for our loved ones, better days... Friday, David's days came to an end. Today, we remembered how wonderful those days were and why we'll remember him for the remainder of our very own days.

Posted by Ike at 10:43 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

26. I am a big-time nail-biter.
27. My friend and I once used M-80s to blow up our Principal's mailbox.
28. I didn't start eating sushi until I was 20.
29. My favorite drink is Knob Creek and Coke with lime.
30. My favorite drug was marijuana -- preferably from the Finger Lakes region of New York.
31. My fist dog's name was Barnaby.
32. I dislike cats.
33. I once went paragliding at 1000 feet and was able to see Cuba from my vantage point.
34. My first car accident occurred when I was backing out of my garage and drove right into my friend's car.
35. I am good in the kitchen.
36. I like to take naps.
37. I once got caught having sex in the hot tub of a high-rise condo complex at 5:30 in the morning.
38. One of my really good friends, Carlana Stone Lawson, wrote a top-selling self-help book "Never Give In, Never Give Up". Check her out at www.carlanastone.com.
39. I am Jewish.
40. Se habla espanol.
41. I never ended up getting a diploma.
42. I use Head & Shoulders every other day.
43. Our family's best friend is a funeral director.
44. My newest band that I love is "The Fray". www.thefray.net
45. I got my first telephone when I was five. It was a Mickey Mouse.
46. I didn't know anyone killed on 9/11.
47. Ike's original name was "Cronkite".
48. I am not a coffee aficionado.
49. I used to smoke up to three cigars a day when I was living in Florida.
50. One of my favorite hideaways in America is a small B&B called Joan's on Jones in Savannah.

Posted by Ike at 3:51 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

1. I go to Weight Watchers.
2. My first car was a 1989 Toyota Celica convertible (black).
3. My first girlfriend's name was Jessica Z.
4. Our first date was when we went to see "The Making of Mr. Right"
5. One of my newest hobbies is playing "Runescape" online.
6. Now I drive a Nissan Murano (still black).
7. My kindergarten teacher's name was Miss McArthur.
8. I got chicken pox from David A. and gave it to David B.
9. I lost my first grandparent, rather unexpectedly, ten days before my 13th birthday.
10. My friends and family really did surprise me with a 30th birthday party. I was shocked.
11. My favorite men's clothing department is Nordstrom's.
12. If I had a million dollars, I would give a lot to charity.
13. I am, at times, insecure.
14. I have said "I love you" a ton of times but only really been "in love" once.
15. My first concert was a Barry Manilow concert when I was around three.
16. I am an only child.
17. I am named for a maternal great-grandfather.
18. My first job was packaging grapes at a market.
19. My senior prom date was a camp friend from Maryland who flew in for the weekend.
20. My first video game player was Intellivision.
21. The best gift I ever received was an Ebel watch from my parents for my 30th birthday.
22. I have more Sony appliances in my house than any other brand.
23. I am a Leo.
24. I once was at a concert where Marilyn Manson was a surprise guest onstage with Smashing Pumpkins.
25. My Great-Aunt is widely regarded as the world's foremost expert on cruise travel.

Posted by Ike at 11:58 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Short, but in order....

What she says: "I am not going to church."
What he hears: "If you don't go to church, G-d will strike you down and leave me with that hot Barbie from next door."


What she says: "You're not getting any tonight."
What he hears: "There is no doubt I am getting some tonight."

What she says: "That hurts."
What he hears: "Not enough." (assuming he is your ordinary, average asshole)

What she says: "It's so big"
What he hears: "You ain't seen nothin' yet."


What she says: "Do we have to go out with your family?"

What he hears: "Her family sucks so bad."

What she says: "Can we go shopping?"
What he hears: "What more could she want? I just got that brand new widescreen HDTV theatre system, fishing gear, mountain bikes and (insert assorted other guy stuff)."

What she says: "I love you."
What he hears: "I love you."

Posted by Ike at 11:47 AM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

I learned a lot tonight. Many of you know our cousin, David, has been battling cancer since March. His brave fought ended early this morning -- sending a mournful, but collective sigh of relief through his family and friends. The last couple weeks were particularly difficult and his widow, my cousin Lee, said -- in fact -- that she wouldn't wish his final hours upon "his worst enemies." She has been tremendously stoic throughout this battle. And, David, as I have sometimes mentioned, went down to the wire cracking as many jokes as possible and making light of his terminal diagnosis. Lately, he once said, "Oh, yeah, I've got lots of that," when someone was telling him to take his time doing something. He never had a quixotic thought during this time. He managed to keep all of us at ease while he wilted away before our eyes. He showed amazing grace at a time when others would fold up the tent and leave it lying there, feeling sorry for themselves.

You guys, he is my Dad's age. He has three children and three granchildren. He only saw two of his kids get married. The third, a daughter, is only in her early twenties. This is the "big heavy". My father is not an emotional man, but he was wound so tight today you could see it in every move he made. This is an event that just was not supposed to happen. Not now. Not ever. My Uncle, the retired cardiologist, calls cancer "bad luck".

So, now we wish we had more time with my cousin. We wish we said different things. We wish we had acted different ways. We wish he could have witnessed more events, taken part in more family traditions, enjoyed more of the life he had already ingested. But, sadly, that's not how things operate here. That's one of the reasons a tear should always be followed by a chuckle.

Laughter should make us cry and crying should make us laugh. The two should be inextricably linked.

So, here are a couple things that happened tonight that made me draw this simple conclusion. First, we were talking about the granchildren (one is 8 or so and the others are 11 (twins)). Someone asked me about the first grandparent I lost. I said that I like to have a happy ending for each of my stories. My Nana died 10 days before my 13th birthday. It was unexpected and awful for me. I was away at summer camp and rushed home to grieve with my family. After her funeral, I flew back to New York. Here's the story I told numerous times tonight. After this death and the hurt it left on my heart, I made that return flight back only to be greeted by this counselor who said we had to go to this hospital. "We have to pick up (Adam) who broke his arm. Come with me." We got to the hospital and found ourselves staring at a maze of different colored stripes on the floor -- each leading to a different area.

"Nigel, you're going to have to help me here," the counselor said.

"Why's that?" I replied.

"I'm color-blind."

True story. I remember it to this day. And, believe it or not, it provided a chuckle for my cousin, the widow Smith, on what is probably going to be the saddest day of her life.

The second story is a little more telling and a lot less showing. As I was leaving, one of those granchildren didn't want me to go. She was happy tonight -- after a lot of tears, I'm sure -- because I was paying attention to her and another cousin from the other side of the family. I didn't really have anything to say to her, and it's not my place, but I did want to be close to her so that an "adult" was around in case she wanted to talk, etc. Bottom line: Kids need the closeness and kindness of adults in these situations. We should sit and quietly listen. We should be calm. They need us as much as we need them.

And, what we really have to remember -- especially when dealing with children -- is that a tear should be followed by a chuckle.

Posted by Ike at 11:05 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

WIN!! Dr. J is going to go out with me on a second date (See "Death Over Guacamole" posting). I guess I'm not that bad after all. In fact, this will be our 2 1/2 date because she actually invited me to join her for late drinks the other night.

We are tentatively scheduled to go to this vegetarian-type restaurant called Cafe Limbo. Check it out at www.cafelimbo.com, and let me know if it's the thing to do. Dr. J likes veg food, and not a lot of meats, so I figure this may be a good place to go hang out. Dr. J also likes Shrinky Dinks, Crayola crayons that you make yourself and other arts and crafts projects. How "adorable"!

She is simple and sweet. She calls me when she can -- from home or the hospital, and she always makes me feel like a million bucks. I haven't felt this wonderful from meeting a woman in years, and that includes the ex-fiancee. It's like the flame inside my heart has been rekindled. It feels so genuine.

10 other things I like about Dr. J, in no particular order:

1. She loves and respects her parents and sister.
2. She enjoys the finer things in life.
3. She likes to travel (Greece is her favorite).
4. She's extremely educated.
5. She makes me laugh my ass off.
6. She seems to actually care about my feelings.
7. She is low-maintenance.
8. She respects my right to have an opinion, even though she may not agree with it.
9. She knows how to have a good time (she wanted me to crash a wedding with her this weekend).
10. She loves the same Tv show (Rescue Me) I love.

So, maybe this whole (c) thing will be the first of many (c)'s for me. I sure hope so. If so, it'll be the best C I ever earned.

Posted by Ike at 9:40 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

On the eve of July fourth, I wanted to look at some historical American events that changed our lives. I have selected five events I was alive for and five that took place before I was born.

Events I Have Witnessed

1. 9/11: The worst terrorist attack ever perpetrated against Americans on our own soil is a day that we will never forget. We will always remember where we were beginning at 8:46 a.m. that day when plans flew into the the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a Pennsylvania field. Were it not for some heroic acts by men onboard the Pennsylvania plane, the attacks could have been more severe. 19 members of al-Qaida, a terrorist organization led by Osama bin Laden were behind the evil plot, which led America into a war in the Middle East. However, it was that day -- September 11th -- where Americans learned just how vulnerable they could be. It was that day that ripped a hole collectively through our hearts. It was that day that will stand the test of time as one of the worst moments in American history.

2. The explosions of Space Shuttles Columbia and Challenger: The Challenger was the first Shuttle to destruct in thin air on January 28, 1986. Just 73 seconds after liftoff from Cape Canaveral, the Shuttle blew up, taking seven astronauts with it -- including a teacher, Christa McAuliffe, who had been selected to participate in the flight. Some 17 years, on February 1, 2003, Columbia -- the oldest member of the fleet -- blew up upon landing over Texas. Highly sophisticated structural problems were blamed for its demise. Now, Americans who were alive during the Apollo area had seen tragedies before, but many people thought these spaceships -- the shuttles -- were more infallible. That was not the case, and America is scrambling to complete future flights by 2010 with its successor being Project Constellation with its Ares I and Ares V vehicles.

3. The spread of HIV/AIDS: "As of January 2006, the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) and the World Health Organization (WHO) estimate that AIDS has killed more than 25 million people since it was first recognized on December 1, 1981, making it one of the most destructive pandemic in recorded history," according to Wikipedia. Until There's a Cure Foundation estimates one million people are currently living with HIV in the United States, with approximately 40,000 new infections occurring each year. 70 percent of these new infections occur in men and 30 percent occur in women. By race, 54 percent of the new infections in the United States occur among African Americans, and 64 percent of the new infections in women occur in African American women. 75 percent of the new infections in women are heterosexually transmitted. Half of all new infections in the United States occur in people 25 years of age or younger.

4. Richard Nixon's resignation: Nixon resigned when I was one, so technically I didn't really "witness" his White House mess. However, I was alive, so it does count. Nixon was the only American president to ever resign office. He did so before impeachment proceedings could take place.

Here's the Wikipedia scoop on Nixon's scandal:

"In October 1972, The Washington Post reported the FBI had determined Nixon aides had spied on and sabotaged numerous Democratic presidential candidates as a part of the operations that led to the infamous Watergate scandal. During the campaign five burglars were arrested on June 17, 1972, in the Democratic Party headquarters at the Watergate office complex. They were subsequently linked to the White House. This became one of a series of major scandals involving the Committee to Re-Elect the President (known as CRP but referred to by opponents as CREEP), including the White House enemies list and assorted "dirty tricks." The ensuing Watergate scandal exposed the Nixon administration's rampant corruption, illegality, and deceit.
Nixon himself downplayed the scandal as mere politics, but when his aides resigned in disgrace, Nixon's role in ordering an illegal cover-up came to light in the press, courts, and congressional investigations. Nixon evaded taxes, accepted illicit campaign contributions, ordered secret bombings, and harassed opponents with executive agencies, wiretaps, and break-ins. His supporters noted that the abuses of the Nixon presidency were but a logical extension of partisan abuses by Presidents Franklin Roosevelt, Kennedy, and Johnson such as use of the IRS against political opponents. Unlike the tape recordings by those Presidents, his secret recordings of White House conversations were revealed and subpoenaed and showed details of his complicity in the cover-up. Nixon was named by the grand jury investigating Watergate as "an unindicted co-conspirator" in the Watergate Scandal.

He lost support from some in his own party as well as much popular support after what became known as the Saturday Night Massacre of October 20, 1973, in which he ordered Archibald Cox, the special prosecutor in the Watergate case, to be fired, as well as firing several of his own subordinates who objected to this move. The House Judiciary Committee controlled by Democrats opened formal and public impeachment hearings against Nixon on May 9, 1974. Despite his efforts, one of the secret recordings, known as the "smoking gun" tape, was released on August 5, 1974, and revealed that Nixon authorized hush money to Watergate burglar E. Howard Hunt, and also revealed that Nixon ordered the CIA to tell the FBI to stop investigating certain topics because of "the Bay of Pigs thing". Such an order was later withdrawn or never carried out. In light of his loss of political support and the near certainty of both his impeachment by the House of Representatives and his probable conviction by the Senate, he resigned on August 9, 1974, after addressing the nation on television the previous evening. He never admitted criminal wrongdoing, although he later conceded errors of judgment.

On September 8, 1974, a blanket pardon from President Gerald R. Ford, who served as Nixon's second Vice President, effectively ended any possibility of indictment. The pardon was highly controversial and Nixon's critics claimed that the blanket pardon was quid pro quo for his resignation. No evidence of this corrupt bargain has ever been proven, and many modern historians dismiss any claims of overt collusion between the two men concerning the pardon. The pardon hurt Ford politically, and it was one of the major reasons cited for Ford's defeat in the election of 1976."

5. Ivan Boesky and the Insider Trading Scandal of 1986: I have to include Boesky because he is the first person I remember who caused a commotion up and down Wall Street. On November 14, 1986 the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) charged Boesky with illegal stock manipulation based on insider information. He was sentenced to prison, barred from dealing in securities, and ordered to pay $100 million in penalties. He received a lighter sentence when he agreed to help the SEC in an insider-trading probe that rocked Wall Street. Boessky was also the basis for Michael Douglas' character, Goron Gekko, in the movie "Wall Street". In that movie, Gekko is famous for saying "Greed is good," a sentiment Boesky shared with graduates of

Events I Missed

1. Assassination of President John F. Kennedy: Looking back at all the film, including Zapruder's, I can't help but understand the grief that rippled the nation. My parents vividly describe the moment they learned of the President's death. He was so young and vibrant. He was from a wealthy political machine. His assassination is considered to be a defining moment in our history because of its traumatic impact on the nation, its impact on the political history of ensuing decades, and his status as an icon for a new generation of Americans. In 1957, he wrote "Profiles in Courage," which won the Pulitzer Prize for biography. Kennedy is widely regarded as one of our best Presidents ever.

2. The Great Depression: Many people don't know that the Great Depression was actually a pandemic, and the United States was a major victim. The blame was on President Herbert Hoover, who was thrown out of office in 1932 and replaced by FDR. The stock market crash in 1929 was just one event of many that became indicative of our tough times. Roosevelt launched a "New Deal" designed to provide emergency relief to nearly a third of the population, to recover the economy to normal levels, and to reform failed parts of the economic system. Relatively high unemployment lingered until the early 1940s.

3. The Signing of the Emancipation Proclamation: The Wikipedia says, "Emancipation Proclamation was a presidential order in 1863 that freed most (but not all) of the slaves in the United States. It was not a law passed by a Congress but a proclamation written by the president alone based on the war powers given to the President by the Constitution. It was a declaration by Abraham Lincoln on January 1, 1863, declaring the freedom of all slaves in Confederate territory not already under Union control. Its immediate impact was to free only some runaway slaves, but thousands more slaves were liberated as the Union armies advanced. The great majority of 4 million slaves were freed through operation of the Emancipation Proclamation. The border states freed their own slaves, except Kentucky. Legally their emancipation was permanently effected by the Thirteenth Amendment ratified in December 1865. The Emancipation Proclamation was never tested in court one way or the other, but no legal scholar has questioned its validity."

For me, as a ardent supporter of civil rights and affirmative action, I would have liked to have witnessed this event. It definitely changed the course of the nation, but not completely, as blacks always had trouble in the South, and were constantly abused and treated as slaves well into the twentieth century.

4. The Assassination of President Abraham Lincoln: Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, was shot by assassin John Wilkes Booth on April 14, 1865 during a showing of Our American Cousin at the Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C. He died the next day in a house owned by William Petersen. The murder was a heavy blow to Northerners who had watched him save the Union, and it changed the fabric of the country leaving, perhaps, a greater divide than ever.

5. Immigration at the Turn-of-the-Century : Ellis Island opened on January 1, 1892 and processed more than 12 million immigrants by November 1954 at its closing. Immigrants were examined by doctors and questioned by government officials. Wikipedia says of Ellis Island that, "(it) was the first stop for most immigrants from Europe. There, they were processed before they could enter the United States. First, they had to pass a physical examination. Those with serious health problems or diseases were sent home or were held in the island's hospital facilities for long periods of time. Next, they were asked a series of questions, including name, occupation, work experience, and the amount of money they carried with them." More than three thousand would-be immigrants died on Ellis Island while being held in the hospital facilities. Some unskilled workers and infirm migrants were rejected outright because they were considered "likely to become a public charge."

My paternal grandfather was the only immigrant amongst my grandparents. He sailed to Baltimore around 1913 on the German liner, the Barbarossa (which means Red Beard). He used to vividly recall his young journey here. I can't help but wonder if the course of events in Grandpa's life would have been dramatically different if he had come through Ellis Island. At any rate, I am happy he ended hope here. He was a good man, a proud immigrant who got his citizenship certificate as soon as he was able and enjoyed all the finer things life had to offer. As always, tomorrow night is one of those night for me where I see fireworks and think of all my grandparents in the sky above.

Due to the overwhelming reaction to "Guyspeak", Ike and I are offering you a brand new blog in addition to this one. The new blog, "Deciphering Dudes Dot Com" is available to you right now at understandingdudes.blogspot.com. You ask questions, you get answers. It'd as easy as 1-2-3.

Posted by Ike at 11:00 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

Every once in a while it does us all a bit of good to take stock in ourselves. I know many people who suffer from depression, and I always give them two parts of sound advice. The first is to always keep an "anchor" list with them -- on their person, at home, at work, etc. The "anchor" list is a list of things that are good in your life right now. It can be as simple as eating ice cream and as complex as caring for an elderly relative.

My second piece of advice is to write a list of positive affirmations about yourself. Usually, but not always, begin with the words "I am". With that in mind, I offer you my periodic table of positive affirmations

3. I am someone who volunteers to do important things in the community.
8. I am trustworthy.
9. I am optimistic.
10. I am funny.

Like the "anchor" list, this is a helpful list to remind you why things could always be worse. I hope you can make such lists, too, and they are as helpful to you as they are to me.

Posted by Ike at 5:52 PM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery

So I just returned from the Mona Lisa of first dates. I am not just saying that. First dates can sometimes be quite awkward and even disastrous, but this one was fun! It's difficult to really discern what a woman wants from a first date after only a couple hours of conversation on the phone. My date was a doctor. I'll call her Doctor J like the legendary basketball player. Doctor J intimated that she liked Mexican food, particularly guacamole. I confess, I love Mexican, but guacamole and/or sour cream are never crossing my lips. In fact, I'd rather die than eat guac.

All of the sudden, I am feeling that pressure that dudes sometimes place upon themselves to find that perfect spot to satisfy their first date's needs -- it's like our first try to come up swinging and hit one out of the ballpark. There's a little performance anxiety hanging over our heads. We sweat. We think too much. We generally think so much that we screw things up and die hard trying.

I seldomly read the Cleveland Free Times or Scene Magazine. They're alternative papers here that I enjoy, but I just never pull them out of the box. For whatever reason yesterday, I was inclined to scoop up copies of each. Of course, as luck would have it, a sharp new Mexican restaurant was critiqued in the Free Times. The write-up interesting, and the piece de la resistance is that this place specialized in GUACAMOLE. Now, the date could have sucked the big one, but at least I would have given Dr. J her guacamole. At least it would have looked like I tried.

When I picked her up, I didn't tell her where we were going. The secret was a wonderful thing I had kept to myself all day. I was so excited that I had found the "perfect place" (or so I hoped) that I could hardly contain myself. So, long story short, the place had this amazing guacamole -- six different styles (flavors). We got a sampler of three. My grandmother always taught me that if you try something three times you'll like it. So, I dipped three times. Sure enough, I was in heaven. It didn't hurt that the conversation was flawless, and I was paying more attention to Dr. J than I was to our food.

There was, however, one problem. I kept on bringing up death. I talked about death and dying every other story. Maybe it's because I was with Dr. J and I felt comfortable about it. Maybe it's because I wanted her to feel comfortable discussing her job around me (she is a pediatric intensive care doctor). Either way, the subject was like a dark cloud I placed over our heads while we sat on a patio under a ray of sunshine.

Dr. J was the one who suggested I call this blog entry "Death Over Guacamole". She couldn't help but notice the double entendre between my wanting to die before I would ever consider eating guacamole and our morbid little discussion about death and dying.

By the way, for those of you who are devotees to this blog, and are wondering what category Dr. J fell under -- she is super sexy. I am totally attracted to her, and we had a wonderful time.

Most guys, again, spend so much time and effort worrying about the first date that they either (a) blow the whole thing after five minutes; (b) work so hard for a second date that they blow the whole thing by the end of the night; or (c) take it easy and know the second date is just around the corner.

I'm hoping my guacamole experience and our easy conversation will equal (c). And, I promise, if (c) happens, there'll be no more "Death Over Guacamole".

Menu at www.momocho.com

Posted by Ike at 1:26 AM | Permalink | From the Peanut Gallery