Strange Places Strange Faces

I am slowly learning a little cellphone etiquette. Like, for example, I turn the phone off or leave it in my car during dates. To me, it's just a sign of respect -- showing your date you are more interested in her than your buddy's crappy concurrent date. I walk outside with it when I receive a call at a restaurant. I turn it on "silent" or "vibrate" when I am in someone's home or at a social function or a party. Basically, I have re-trained myself. I used to walk and talk all the time. I would be the loudest one around. I would have my "beeper" (at the time) on the loudest and most annoying sound possible. By the way, I think cellphones should all play a universal and soothing sound, instead of a bunch of polyphonic hip-hop crap. Of course, then we'd all reach for our phones at the same time. But that would be a hell of a lot better than what I had to witness tonight.

The restaurant was unusually abuzz with customers, and it was a little difficult to hear yourself think. But, that doesn't mean -- in my humble opinion -- you should display your worst phone manners. Do you scream on the phone so your trivial thoughts can be heard by everyone in ear shot? Do you stand around a lot of people and let them hear your entire conversation which lasts a few minutes? Do you walk around the restaurant so everyone needs to hear about your latest degree or girlfriend or what have you? That's the type of obnoxious behavior I had to listen to and witness tonight. It was awful. It was like having Chatty Cathy talking your ear off.

In particular, this one man was walking back and forth talking about a ton of crap. He was loud, obnoxious, and incorrigible. I wanted to grab the phone from him and snap it shut. The way I see it, just because a restaurant is loud doesn't give anyone the right to invade my space with loud personal conversations. There are a ton of things I don't need to know, and many more I don't want to know.

In fact, sometimes I stare someone down if I can't handle their cellphone comportment. I just can't understand how come the call can't be taken outside or in another room. While, I'm at it, I can't stand people who grab their phones as soon as the airplane lands. You mean to tell me they can't wait until reaching the concourse? I promise nothing will happen from the time we land until the time we make it to the concourse. Come on! Help me out.

So, to review... Here are my 10 simple cellphone etiquette rules for 2006:

1. Use it only when you need it.
2. Try to keep your conversations to yourself. I don't give a damn about your life and issues.
3. Try vibrate sometime. Hell, you may even find you like it.
4. Restaurants, espeecially, are for dining with your friends, family, co-workers, etc. They're not meant for you to add another person to your group via cellphone.
5. Don't use it in the bathroom. That's just gross.
6. I know some of them make nice walkie-talkies, but all the time????
7. You don't need to have the loudest, most obnoxious ringtone (it's not a contest).
8. The camera function should not be used to take upskirt shots for your myspace page, or any other place. And, yes, I know this has happened.
9. Don't drive and dial (if possible) in states where that is still permitted.
10. Don't use it to cheat while you're gambling in Vegas. Yes, this happens. And, yes.. it can screw things up for the rest of us.

Now, there are always exceptions to the rules. There are always emergencies. But, in general, just keep the damn thing to yourself. My call is that it's just plain obnoxious.

Posted by Ike on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 at 8:37 PM | Permalink