Strange Places Strange Faces

I was fresh out of H2O the other night around 10:30, so I decided to go to the "Ghetto Grocery Store" down the street. It;s about the only one open close to me. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not really in the ghetto, but it is a "ghetto grocery store" compared to the other ones around here. I love going late at night because you can always count on finding society's miscreants and artistes. They lurk everywhere, and it's cool to listen to them and watch them. Call me the Ghetto Grocery Store Stalker if you will. Anyway, sometimes I engage these people in conversation -- especially when they see me peering into their grocery cart of goodies. So, Ghetto Grocery Store has cut down on late-night employees, and that means longer checkout lines because the express self-checkout has been shut down too, and only two lines remain open for dozens of late-night shoppers. It's kind of like getting to the amusement park too late, and the line to your favorite ride has been terminated. Check that. It's exactly like that. But, now you're stuck in line with these people, and there's nothing to do but grin and bear it if you can. As you know, I am a creature of habit, so there's no way I am leaving Ghetto Grocery Store without my stash of H2O. It's about all I drink, so I'll be lost without it. After all, I learned at WW that "the clearer the pee, the better for me." I am totally off track here. Focus, dammit. Focus. So I am in line and these two girls are behind me. They are extremely giddy and giggly, although not in a suspicious manner. I want to know what they are talking about. I need to know what they are talking about, so my Eavesdropping Ears pop up, and I hone in on their conversation. The one girl, obviously talking about her boyfriend, tells her friend, "I asked him if he wanted any ice cream or anything like that, and he said I was sweet enough for him." Now I start to laugh too. This must be one of the oldest tricks in the book. I am looking back at these two girls, grinning -- acknowledging my eavesdropping. She kept going about how great her boyfriend was. On and on. The line was long so I had to hear this for quite a few minutes. I am thinking to myself this boyfriend guy is such a TOOL. I pipe up, "You have this guy so whipped," after she continues to brag about all the things he does for her. I'm thinking the TOOL likes to get INTO THE SHED if you know what I mean. She begins to defend him. Referring to his comment about how sweet she was, I say "Don't you know we have these lines written down on a note card we pull out of our pockets for occasions just like this when you call us from the grocery store? It's just another one of our 'perfect' lines." Again, she defends him, all the while laughing with me because she knows she has found the Good Humor Man in line at the Ghetto Grocery Store. So, again I say, "Look, you have him so whipped. Wait, he's more than just whipped. He's whooped!" She laughed. Her friend laughed, and even the guy in front of me -- who had also turned on his eavesdropping ears laughed too. We continued to joke while we worked our way through the line. It was the stuff standup is made of. But hey, at the end, it's another victory for us. You bought our "tool" line -- hook, line and sinker.

Posted by Ike on Friday, June 16, 2006 at 7:55 PM | Permalink