If Nigel Wrote a Damn Personal Ad
Let's have some fun. I thought you might wonder what a personal ad would look like if I wrote it. I wonder what type of response I would get. Hmmm..... Here we go.
"26 y.o. short, hairy and obese man looking for love in all the wrong places. I need a non-BBW to please me. I just lost my job at a kinky toy store. I was caught stealing, but I still have plenty of toys for you. I have a big heart to go along with my 5'8" 320 lb. frame. I like to drink, smoke weed and eat green jello (it's an aphrodisiac). I like reality TV shows. My favorite is "Biggest Loser" about some fat people trying to get thin. I was once on TV for eating 27 hot dogs in a minute at Bert's hot dog stand. That was a record, until I broke it the next year with 28. The cameras weren't there for that. But enough about me. My ideal woman has a good job, no family, no friends, no one to judge me. She has a good job or a huge inheritance so I don't have to work anymore. She likes to have a lot of sex. She takes excellent care of her body. She is my polar opposite, except she can eat pints of ice cream with me and not get fat. She exercises. She has a college degree (I don't). Please contact me. I am so lonely, and I am the perfect guy for you."
That's pretty close to being my ideal personal ad. Think anyone would take it seriously? After all, there is NOTHING like the truth....
By the way, doesn't anyone want to meet the challenge?
Here's how it works. For every new person you send to my blog who makes a comment, you get a point. The person has to make a reference to the fact you sent them to the site. That's how you get your point. In turn, they can also participate in the challenge. You can not vote for yourselves if you land here by accident. And, you can not vote for me if I directed you here. As the Challenge Creator, I can not win. The contest will end July 4. The blogger with the most points gets $50.00. It's that easy. This is a challenge that I am offering on my own. The rules and regulations are as stated above. Anyone is eligible. There is no such thing as "Void Where Prohibited." However, the prize will be paid in American Dollars. ANY QUESTIONS SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO MY E-MAIL ACCOUNT ON MY PROFILE PAGE.
"26 y.o. short, hairy and obese man looking for love in all the wrong places. I need a non-BBW to please me. I just lost my job at a kinky toy store. I was caught stealing, but I still have plenty of toys for you. I have a big heart to go along with my 5'8" 320 lb. frame. I like to drink, smoke weed and eat green jello (it's an aphrodisiac). I like reality TV shows. My favorite is "Biggest Loser" about some fat people trying to get thin. I was once on TV for eating 27 hot dogs in a minute at Bert's hot dog stand. That was a record, until I broke it the next year with 28. The cameras weren't there for that. But enough about me. My ideal woman has a good job, no family, no friends, no one to judge me. She has a good job or a huge inheritance so I don't have to work anymore. She likes to have a lot of sex. She takes excellent care of her body. She is my polar opposite, except she can eat pints of ice cream with me and not get fat. She exercises. She has a college degree (I don't). Please contact me. I am so lonely, and I am the perfect guy for you."
That's pretty close to being my ideal personal ad. Think anyone would take it seriously? After all, there is NOTHING like the truth....
By the way, doesn't anyone want to meet the challenge?
PLAY THE STRANGE PLACES STRANGE FACES CHALLENGE AND WIN $50
Here's how it works. For every new person you send to my blog who makes a comment, you get a point. The person has to make a reference to the fact you sent them to the site. That's how you get your point. In turn, they can also participate in the challenge. You can not vote for yourselves if you land here by accident. And, you can not vote for me if I directed you here. As the Challenge Creator, I can not win. The contest will end July 4. The blogger with the most points gets $50.00. It's that easy. This is a challenge that I am offering on my own. The rules and regulations are as stated above. Anyone is eligible. There is no such thing as "Void Where Prohibited." However, the prize will be paid in American Dollars. ANY QUESTIONS SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO MY E-MAIL ACCOUNT ON MY PROFILE PAGE.
Yikes.
Is that the sugar-coated version?
Posted by
Samantha |
11:14 PM
HEY! I changed my blog url from Sneakypeek to
http://pupcakesandpantons.blogspot.com
I love your visits and I love visiting you! Keep up the funny work!
Posted by
Mags |
11:55 PM
OH and HOLD UP...is this really true?
Not sure how many would respond.....
Maybe someone looking for a fun-loving guy would. I know for me Personality is #1 in my book....truthfully
Posted by
Mags |
11:57 PM
No, Mags. This one is a phony. The real one is still a work in progress. I'll be sure to visit you soon.
Posted by
Ike |
4:20 AM
Luved it!! You would be surprised how many women would fall for it. My favorite part was you was fired from the kinky toy store for taking merchandise and the green jello.
Posted by
Linda |
9:48 AM
I like how you just come out and say it..."She likes to have a lot of sex."
Shouldn't we all be so open? LOL.
Posted by
Lily |
3:53 PM
I like how you bitched in your last post about being short and then you said no bbws in this one.
Posted by
Melissa |
9:12 PM
Okay, once and for all THIS IS FAKE. I WROTE IT AS A FARCE. It is meant to be funny.
Posted by
Ike |
9:34 PM