I Surprised My Shrink
I made a declaration today that surprised even Shrink.
"I can't help that I just want to be an asshole."
He was so taken aback that he had me repeat myself so he could scribble it down on that pad of paper he uses to take notes about me during our unusual conversations about everything from why I don't like cole slaw to why I like sitting alone in the corner of a fancy restaurant, dressed in a suit, assessing the other patrons around me.
I couldn't help myself from feeling proud about my accomplishment. After many years of therapy, I think this is the first time anyone ever stopped me to repeat a quote. Hell, I've had female therapists squirm while I describe sexcapades in sordid details. I've had many other strange conversations with current Shrink, but this one just took the cake today. Either that or he was in a really unusual mood and I hit him at the right moment. Either way, I have been delighted the rest of the day.
However, there is something wrong here. Do I really want to be an asshole? What will it accomplish? How will I be perceived by those around me? In fact, why do I have this idea in the first place? (These are some questions he put into my head.) The answer, right now, is yes. I want to be an asshole because to me it is the only way that I can get things done, and the only way that people will understand when I mean business. I explained to said Shrink that it was how I worked my way up the ladder as a TV producer, and that lately I have felt stymied as a construction executive. He still wasn't buying it.
Look. I do community service. I volunteer for a number of charities. I have a lot of friends. I think I am generally well liked, so why can't I be that asshole? What makes it impossible or improbably for me to live separate but equal lives. Some of us have two families. Others lead different lives at night. Some work two different jobs. It's all about persona. I want to have personae just like everyone else. It's just that I want to end up as an asshole humanitarian.
See, "I can't help that I just want to be an asshole."
Is that too much to ask for?
"I can't help that I just want to be an asshole."
He was so taken aback that he had me repeat myself so he could scribble it down on that pad of paper he uses to take notes about me during our unusual conversations about everything from why I don't like cole slaw to why I like sitting alone in the corner of a fancy restaurant, dressed in a suit, assessing the other patrons around me.
I couldn't help myself from feeling proud about my accomplishment. After many years of therapy, I think this is the first time anyone ever stopped me to repeat a quote. Hell, I've had female therapists squirm while I describe sexcapades in sordid details. I've had many other strange conversations with current Shrink, but this one just took the cake today. Either that or he was in a really unusual mood and I hit him at the right moment. Either way, I have been delighted the rest of the day.
However, there is something wrong here. Do I really want to be an asshole? What will it accomplish? How will I be perceived by those around me? In fact, why do I have this idea in the first place? (These are some questions he put into my head.) The answer, right now, is yes. I want to be an asshole because to me it is the only way that I can get things done, and the only way that people will understand when I mean business. I explained to said Shrink that it was how I worked my way up the ladder as a TV producer, and that lately I have felt stymied as a construction executive. He still wasn't buying it.
Look. I do community service. I volunteer for a number of charities. I have a lot of friends. I think I am generally well liked, so why can't I be that asshole? What makes it impossible or improbably for me to live separate but equal lives. Some of us have two families. Others lead different lives at night. Some work two different jobs. It's all about persona. I want to have personae just like everyone else. It's just that I want to end up as an asshole humanitarian.
See, "I can't help that I just want to be an asshole."
Is that too much to ask for?
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Congrats on being asked to repeat yourself! LOL.
As for your question...I don't know. I totally see where you are coming from. For me, being a btich at times can generate results. It's not how I want to be 24/7, but it's how I feel I have to be some of the time.
If you figure it out, let me know!
Posted by
Lily |
7:14 PM
Hello Nigel.
It's interesting that you say you want to be an asshole...Actually, it's quite refreshing...I think most of the people I would classify as "assholes" don't even know they're assholes...
Sometimes I'm an asshole to people, but it actually takes a bit of effort...and remorse...sometimes...
But to aspire to be an asshole...That's interesting...I hope that goes well for you...
Take care out there!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
P.S.
Also, Jackass Jenn...Perhaps you're drawn to a certain type...and that type has a tendency to be "assholy"...Just a thought...Maybe go for a type that seems less inclined to be that way...(But I guess we're drawn to what we're drawn to)...Good luck!
Posted by
Zambo |
10:13 PM
Not to take sides, Zambo, but your introspective view of Jackass Jenn's dating life is simply charming.
Posted by
Ike |
11:24 PM